Memorial Day

Did you know that 44% of all American women will have an abortion at some point during their lifetime? More than a million American women will have an abortion this year, but hardly any of them talk about it.

The wound of an abortion can be jagged and deep. Time doesn’t always heal. An abortion is a death without mourning; without a funeral or dignity.
- there’s no external evidence that a baby ever existed - the post abortive woman may not believe she has the right to grieve a loss that she has chosen to create.
- there is no public forum for grieving the loss of her child - the support system that usually gathers around a bereaved mother is for the post abortive woman.
- if she confides in someone who didn’t know she risks disapproval or rejection.
- the preparation for the abortion rarely includes any discussion of the possibility of emotional issues – especially grieving – afterward.

In abortion there are always two victims: the baby who died and the mother who has to live the rest of her life with her guilt and remorse. The memory of her unknown child, the baby who might have been.

The consequences and ramifications burrow into areas way beyond the merely physical and can cause long lasting havoc in the psychological makeup of a post abortive women.

I am one of these statistics.

Today, I am thankful for God’s forgiveness, mercy, grace and abounding love. I am also grateful for Crystal and her love for the Lord and for me, her mom. God prompted her to share her heart with me in September 2006 which began my own healing process – the journey through remembering the pain, facing the guilt, forgiveness, identifying and releasing any anger and mourning the loss. It is amazing how God orchestrates life and He never gives up on His children. He blessed me with another child, Crystal and He blessed me with a sensitive, compassionate husband whose support is beyond measure.

Psalm 34:18: The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart.

This Memorial Day marked the true end of my grieving and healing. God is faithful and has a sovereign plan. He is perfect in all He does and is. He knew where we would be this Memorial Day and He knows this very moment I am writing this and you are reading it. God delights in healing sorrow from broken hearts and mending lives. I stopped denying my pain, faced it, forgave myself and continued until I reached the point of reconciliation and restoration. I am at a place of peace and inner healing with Christ’s love. I allowed myself to feel sorrow, pain and loss. I have let sorrow go and cling to my hope in Christ. My past does not determine my future. Here I am. Jesus saved me. God’s glorious grace doesn’t bind me to my past – it frees me from its power to hurt.

Romans 8:1 There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 107:2a, 8 Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and wonderful deeds for mankind.

Part of my story includes naming my child, who I believe was a boy. The name Benjamin comes from the Old Testament. His mother named him Ben-oni which means Son of Sorrow. She died after she named him. His father loved him very much and Benjamin means Son of Honor. I needed to acknowledge Benjamin in an honorable way as I entrust him to heaven.

Psalm 68:5 Our heavenly Father is a father to the fatherless.

Benjamin would be 29 years old in June. Crystal will be 26 the same month.

Benjamin was a person with a soul, regardless of his age at the time of death. He was created by God for a specific purpose known only to God. He has an eternal destiny and lives today in the presence of God. Benjamin has attained eternal glory. He is safe in the arms of God, alive forever and fully mature and like Christ. Benjamin did not know the wickedness of this world. He didn’t have to struggle against temptation or been subject to the inner pull of sin’s desires. The very moment Benjamin saw Christ he was instantly made utterly perfect, completely transformed. He has been perfectly free from evil – never had a selfish desire, never uttered a useless word, never performed an unkind act, never had a sinful thought, never experienced any more suffering sorrow or pain. He lives totally free from persecution, division, disunity, hate, quarrels or disappointments. Benjamin does not weep. He has a life of unimaginable blessing for all eternity.

Surrounded by the love of family and friends, with tears of joy, we planted a flowering tree in honor of Benjamin in our backyard. The kind we chose begins with a pink bud which symbolizes me, his mom. It blooms to a beautiful white flower symbolizing the cleansing freedom through Christ and Benjamin’s innocence and purity untouched by the world.

How fitting that Crystal was in town to celebrate with us this special day.