Communication

It is difficult to search my own heart, to face the selfish, nastiness that exists and admit my mistakes, my sins. My natural response is to defend and protect myself, rationalize my behavior. Recently I realized that often I display negative communication patterns with those I love the most. This brings conversation to immediate silence. It is really hard to look at my own ugliness. These patterns are perceived as disrespectful judgements which are opposite of my intent. Really, who wants to talk to a "know it all", to someone who "acts better than you"? When I think about this it is quite interesting since my whole life my inner desire is to fit in, be part of something, to be accepted. Negative communication patterns do not create an atmosphere of acceptance. The soul is timid and won't come out unless it feels safe. How could it feel safe if it feels judged? We are more likely to communicate our inner thoughts and feelings if we believe someone genuinely wants to hear what we want to say and will not condemn us. Psalm 7:11-12 (The Message) Close the book on evil, God, but publish Your mandate for us. You get us ready for life: You probe for our soft spots, You knock off the rough edges. Lord, please probe so I can be tender and knock really hard so I can be smooth. Psalm 51:1 (The Message) Generous in love - God, give grace! Huge in mercy - wipe out my bad record. Lord, I am so sorry for grieving You, may I be quick to listen with grace and sensitive to Your leading. Psalm 7:17 (The Message) I'm thanking God, who makes things right. I'm singing the fame of heaven-high God. Thank You Lord for knowing me so intimately, for loving me so unconditionally and forgiving me so deeply.