Considering 2017

It has been over a year ago since I wrote last post about seasons and "signing off" for a season. Periodically I have been drawn to write a post but then I stopped myself because I am an "all or nothing" type person and thought to myself I am not able to commit to the "all" of writing again so just stick with nothing.

It's New Years Eve day and I am sitting here talking to Jesus, to myself, and now to you...which actually is likely no one since the couple readers are probably not checking the blog spot since I stopped writing.

In retrospect God was guiding me out of a time of mourning and preparing me for the next wave of extended family care giving. I simply traded one back pack for another but One promise I depend on is that God never abandons me, He is along side pulling me up by the straps. The journey continues, God is not telling me exactly what lies ahead or exactly what to do and that frustrates the "planner" in me.

I am a learner, some one who researches, gathers information and eagerly hands it out to others. I have a habit of giving people books, articles, notes and words from my own experience because I just "know" it would be helpful and encouraging. It is somewhat of a joke in my family because whoever visits will inevitably leave with something. I have a shelf in our home office where I put items marked for others and sometimes I actually mail them. Now what they do with it after I leave depends on them because they may not be ready or remotely interested. This can be similar to sharing the love of  Jesus. We share because it is "good news" and leave the rest to the Lord.

Right now Jesus is helping me carry a back pack that Is full of information that I have gathered. It is Alzheimer's Disease, lung cancer, weight of responsibility, sadness for the losses experienced and still yet to come, feelings of failure because of so much undone or incomplete, overwhelming enormity of the uncertain, desire to do what is right and hold tightly to truth.

I am an introvert. As an introvert I process and purge my feelings through writing, usually in my journal. I "talk" through it with Jesus and then share monthly with a counselor. We are finishing the holiday season which tend to make me sad. I am thankful there is joy in the sad, our Lord understands and He is a patient Healer of my heart.

I am an imperfect person, loved by a perfect God. I am Laura, beloved daughter of the King of the universe who has already chosen me.

My word for 2017 is anchor which is firm, secure and immovable. I will remain anchored to Jesus. The anchor that holds me in this moment, allowing me the freedom to feel, to experience the joy and hope regardless of regrets or what ifs or oughts.

As I sit alone with Jesus I boldly ask Him to bind the hands of the enemy in His powerful name and take captive my every thought to make it obedient to Him.  Amen and amen.