Sunlight...Sonlight

This afternoon I was sitting at my kitchen table reading a fiction book and writing in my journal. I was reading this: "If pinpointing God's presence were really that simple then I suppose the beaches would be more crowded in the mornings. They would be filled with people on their own quests." At the moment I finished the part about pinpointing God's presence the sun came through the clouds through the kitchen window exactly on the spot I was sitting, shining right on me and only in the very spot I was sitting. It was so bright I could see the smudges on my glasses, the shadows of the kitchen chairs on the table, the shadow of the pen and my hand writing. That moment was an encouragement and joy to my spirit as if God was showing me His presence, telling me no matter what unfolds each moment He is always right there, out in the open, obvious yet I so often miss Him. I've been realizing that it is really easy to fall into depression without the sun although the Son can lift the darkness. When I ignore everything around me, when I allow the gray around me to influence my thoughts I have a tendency to fall into the darkness of depression. Today I was thinking it was kind of like an alcoholic when they keep drinking or a drug addict when they keep using. Nothing else matters as long as you can enter another "place", one that is not reality. Sometimes I do that with books, movies and use to do it with food. I still struggle with the food temptation. I find that it's also easy to fall into depression when I am inactive so I force myself to run, to exercise, to go to the health club, to do something interactive that prevents me from sinking. I have no reason to be sad and I don't understand why I do. We have solid employment with benefits, we are healthy, we have a functioning, beautiful home and two well maintained vehicles. Our families are nearby, our neighbors are friendly, we are part of of financial support team for two missionary families and sponsor two Compassion children. I don't know many things but I do know for certain that I need the sun and I need the Son. Both bring me joy, lift my spirit and give me peace. As the sun moved behind the clouds and away from the window I began reading again "The search for God's presence was as much of a mystery as God Himself, and what was God, if not mystery?" It reminded me of the end of chapter 11 of Romans in The Message: In one way or another, God makes sure that we all experience what it means to be outside so that He can personally open the door and welcome us back in. Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out. Is there anyone around who can explain God? Anyone smart enough to tell Him what to do? Any one who has done Him such a huge favor that god has to ask his advice? Everything comes from Him; Everything happens through Him; Everything ends up in Him. Always glory! Always praise! Yes. Yes. Yes.